Don't Let Yami Pick Up The Phone!
by Mesita
Summary: [JouSeto] Yami's out to destroy Jou and Seto's relationship. XD Too bad he sucks at it. COMPLETE
1. This is what happens when Yami picks up ...

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:: Kitzaku-san ::

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! No matter how much I beg Kazuki Takahashi for it... I don't own the Phantom of the Opera either. Eheh...

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Authoress' Note: Ah... another addition to my rantings of Perverted Yu Gi Oh situations. Haven't you noticed a connection between Twinkies, Bop-It and now this? Even though they're three separate stories, they're quite alike. For one... Yugi/Ryou pairings, and the perverse situations in which aren't supposed to be perverted at _all_. XD

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:: Don't Let Yami Pick up the Phone ::

Jou punched a few buttons on a hand-held Dual Monsters game. Kaiba Corp had come up with a new tactic: Now you can dual with people from all over the world using only this handheld device. It was quite fun actually. Right now, he was dueling with someone called Dual4ever and he had the upper hand. Chances were, it was another 12-year-old boy who suspected that he had the talent.

Tough luck on him.

Suddenly, there came a knock at the door, and Jou was ripped from his game to answer it. Just to his luck, it was Yami.

"Hello there, Jounouchi."

Jou shrugged. "Just call me Jou like everyone else." He had to invite Yami in. After all, it _was_ being polite. But we all know Jou isn't always your 100% gentleman and as soon as Yami was in the door, Jou went back to his game.

Yami was about to comment when the phone rang. "Jounouchi, are you going to answer that?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Let it ring." He didn't even look up from his battle.

Yami rolled his eyes and picked up with phone. "Jounouchi residence."

"Yami? What are you doing over there?" Came a familiar voice that Yami recognized to be Seto's.

"Why are you calling here?" asked Yami.

A slightly long pause came after this. It must have been quite awkward for Seto and he finally blurted out. "What business is that of yours?"

"I've never seen you hang around Jounouchi. I never expected you two to be friends." Yami shrugged.

"Friends? Us? Hell, we're more than friends, we're-" he stopped.

"You're what?" Yami grinned, suddenly interested in where this was heading.

Seto paused. "-classmates..." he finished in a very awkwardly uncomfortable tone. "Listen, just put Katsuya on the phone."

Yami smirked. "So, you're on first name terms, Kaiba?"

Seto growled. "Does that bother you?"

"Not at all, Seto." Yami could feel Seto cringe on the other line. The only person that called him Seto was Mokuba. Otherwise everyone else called him Kaiba.

"**PUT KATSUYA ON THE PHONE!"** Seto Shouted and Yami had to hold the phone afoot from his ear.

"All right, already..." Yami muttered and turned to Jou. "Jounouchi, phone's for you."

"Tell them I'm busy." He pressed a few more buttons.

Yami put the receiver back to his ear again. "He's busy." 

"Doing what?"

Yami grinned. He was a dark side, it was his job to be at least a _little_ evil, wasn't it? "Getting ready."

"...for what?"

"We're going out with Malik tonight." Yami lied. "He's got tickets to the Phantom of the Opera."

"Aren't Yugi and Ryou going to that?" Seto blinked.

"No, they're having s-" Yami hastily changed the subject. "That's beside the point. I'll get Jounouchi for you..."

Yami set the receiver down so conveniently that Seto could hear every word they said. He then stepped over to Jou and pulled the game from his grasp.

"Yami!" Jou cried. 

"Jounouchi!" Yami cried back mockingly. Then, he whispered so Seto couldn't hear. "Want me to give it back to you?"

Jou nodded and yelled his response. "Give it to me, Yami!"

Yami raised the game high over his head. Even so, Jou could probably get it, so Yami kept dodging his swings. "Oh come on Jounouchi, harder! You know you want it!"

"Yamiii!" Jou dived and knocked Yami over, both were breathing hard.

"Gee, Jounouchi, I didn't know you cared." Yami smirked and gave him back the game. "And Kaiba's on the phone."

Jou's jaw went slack. "Well, why didn't you say so?" He ran over to the phone and picked it up. He was still breathing hard. "Hello?"

"Katsuya! What's going on?!" Seto demanded. Yami got into and Indian style to listen. If all had gone according to plan, this is what Seto would have heard:

"Yami!"

"Jounouchi!"

"Give it to me! Yami!"

Shuffle of clothing.

"Oh come on, Jounouchi! You know you want it!"

"Yamiii!"

Thud and lots of hard, staggered breathing.

"Gee, Jounouchi, I didn't know you cared."

Yami had his arms folded, satisfied with his perverted plan.

On the phone, Jou was explaining to Seto. "Yami was being bad."

"Bad is right." Seto growled. "How could you, Katsuya?"

"What are ya talkin' about Seto?" Jou had an air of fear in his voice.

"First, Yami answered the phone, then I find out you're going to the Phantom of the Opera and you didn't invite me, let alone _tell_ me, and top it off, what you and Yami just did!" Seto was yelling at the phone and now _Jou_ had to hold it a foot from his ear. "I trusted you, Katsuya."

"S-Seto..." Jou's voice faltered. "Please, let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain. You're secretly with Yami, aren't you?" Seto said.

"I am _not_ seeing Yami!" Jou yelled. "Seto, you have to believe me!"

"Then why is he over there?" Seto asked.

Jou blinked. "Um..." he turned around to face Yami, who was listening in with another phone, but he hid it before Jou could see it. "Yami, why are you here?"

Yami just shrugged.

Jou turned his attention back to Seto. "I don't know. And I'm not seeing Phantom of the Opera either. Yugi and Ryou are, though."

"Then what just happened?"

"Yami stole the video game you gave me." Jou said matter-of-factly.

Seto felt his face getting hot. "Oh... I'm so sorry, Katsuya..."

Jou smiled. "It's alright, Seto..."

Yami snapped and hung up the phone. He thought he could get them into serious fight, but failed in the end. Then it dawned on him...

Wouldn't this mean Jounouchi and Seto were secretly seeing each other?

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Oh ho... Yami rubbed his hands together mischievously. _This could be the perfect opportunity for blackmail..._

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Ending Notes: Hm... I originally intended to make this a one shot. But the way it ended makes it a possible target for a sequel. *shrug*It might turn into some odd JouxSeto fic with Yami trying to ruin the relationship. I dunno... If I get enough reviews saying they want me to continue I will.

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Yami Muse: You... made me evil for once.

Erm... you were evil in Yugi Virus...

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Yami Muse: Oh yeah!

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Yugi Muse: What is it with you and Phantom of the Opera?

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I dunno... I was listening to the soundtrack today. ^.^; Maybe that's why?

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Yami Muse: Just for putting me in a fic more than Yugi, I'm making **R&R** pancakes! A pancake for anyone who reviews and a burnt one for the flames!

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Actually Yami... I kinda _want_ a flame. It proves I'm a true authoress.... u.u Besides I... never got one before. *Shrug*

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Yami Muse: o.O; Kitzaku-san, you're _weird_...


	2. And this is how his plan gets started

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:: Kitzaku-san ::

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Gi Oh... *Sigh* wouldn't it be so awesome if I Did? Oh! Still don't own Phantom of the Opera either!

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Authoress' Note: ^.^ Here's another chapter, Merry Christmas! I knew I was going to do another one anyway... *Shrug* You know, this almost has nothing to do with the previous chapter, yet it has everything to do with the previous chapter. That's not _too_ confusing is it? And here, Malik makes his debut! Why Malik you ask? Because he appeared in the previous chapter, didn't he? He was the other dude that was going to the Phantom of the Opera with Yami and Seto. XD

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::Don't Let Yami Pick up the Phone::

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(Something like this could happen)

It had been a week since 'the incident' and Yami still hadn't had the opportunity to find the perfect blackmailing situation. He was sitting in his room that had been made for him after he'd been permanently separated from Yugi's Millennium Puzzle. He wasn't exactly sure on how the incident happened, but it had involved a walrus, two flamingoes and a very old deck of Pokémon cards.

Therefore, Yami now had his own body and he wasn't nearly as close to his hikari as one would have hoped. As a matter of fact, he'd been too lonely, what with Yugi hanging around Ryou too much, that he'' stooped low enough to meddling with the lives of others.

That's when he sideglanced to the calendar hanging on his wall. That Saturday had a red box around it. That meant festival, but which one was it? Yami stood up and walked over to the calendar and peered closely at it. A small grin slowly found its place on his lips.

"And I want to go to the Summer Festival, _why_?" Malik had a very bored tone to his voice. Yami, suddenly alarmed that anyone else could possible be listening in, shushed him. Though, why anyone would be in the dark alley behind the school in the middle of summer was beyond the authoress.

"Just go along with it alright? I've found something out." Yami smirked. "Now, don't be too upset, I know how much you like Jounouchi."

"_What_?" Malik's voice rose. "Where the hell did you get an idea like that?"

Yami's smirk faded as he hushed Malik again. "Um, that's beside the point. My point is, Jounouchi and Kaiba have been secretly seeing each other."

The color drained from Malik's face. "Jou?"

"Tell no one." Yami said immediately.

"I won't..." Malik's eyes drifted to the side, his voice no longer having that slightest hint of cockiness. "But what does this have to do with me and the Summer Festival."

"Ask Jounouchi." Yami folded his arms. "Everyone knows you need a date to attend."

"Explain the significance of your plan, Yami. Because I sure as _hell_ am confused."

A large sweatdroplet ran down the side of Yami's head. "Oh, that may help."

Malik rolled his eyes.

Yami took a deep breath. "This summer has the possibility to be more boring than being trapped in the Shadow Realm. To relieve myself of this boredom, I visited Jounouchi only to find him and Kaiba in a secret relationship via phone and who _knows_ what else. This knowledge is very interesting to me and I'm determined to break them up."

Malik gulped. "They haven't... seen Phantom of the Opera yet, have they?"

"I don't know." Yami shrugged. "Unless you can see it over the phone."

"They _haven't_!" Malik gasped in horror. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I know you'll want to break them up as well." Yami grinned. "After all, you _do_ like Jounouchi. Don't deny it. It's obvious."

Malik's jaw was set, keeping quiet and only confirming the accusation. Resistance was futile. "I'll help."

"Great!" Yami placed a hand on Malik's shoulder, only pulling it back after receiving a dead glare. He cleared his throat. "Alright, here's the plan, you ask Jounouchi, I ask Kaiba. If they refuse, use blackmail." Malik accepted the mission and that brought a close to their 'secret' meeting.

Jou hung up the phone and sighed. That had been Seto. After the phone incident earlier that week with the video game, they were more cautious with their phone calls. For one, Jou would pick up, regardless of what he was doing. And should anyone be at either one of their houses, one would pick up the phone and say _'I'm Sorry, but I didn't order a pizza. You have the wrong number.'_

Jou was about to pick up the game console again. That boy he was playing earlier never had a chance to win or lose due to Yami turning the power off in the struggle. Then, the phone broke the silence and Jou picked it up. "Moshi moshi?"

"Jou?" It was Malik.

"Speaking."

A sigh. "Jou, I want to ask you... something."

"Spill it." Jou headed for the kitchen now to grab a soda.

"You know that the Summer Festival is coming up this weekend, right?"

"Yeah..." Jou said impatiently. He opened the soda and took a drink.

"You want to go with me?"

Cue Jou's soda to fly from his mouth to all over the kitchen. Not just because of Malik's questions, but because he'd just seen the Egyptian through his kitchen window, on his cell phone.

"Jou, are you all right?" he asked, worried.

"Yeah, yeah. Listen I gotta go."

"But you didn't answer m-" Jou cut him off by hanging up. He marched outside much to Malik's surprise. The boy was red.

"Malik, what are you _doing_?"

"Asking you to the Summer Festival, what else?" he'd regained his normal bishounen confidence once more.

"You're standing on my lawn."

Malik looked at his feet, then back up at Jou. Then his feet again. Then Jou. Feet. Jou. "So?"

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're stalking me." Jou said suspiciously.

"Hey! You're jumping to conclusions!" Malik defended. "I'm just asking you to the damn Summer Festival! Yes or no?"

Jou's mouth opened and closed very much like a fish. He'd been planning to go with Seto, but he didn't want to hurt Malik, if it was possible. What would Seto think? He'd already had trouble convincing him about the whole video game incident.

Malik, obviously tired of waiting leaned in so his mouth was next to Jou's ear. He whispered. "I'll tell everyone about you and Kaiba." Jou's eyes widened. "Don't act like it's not true because I know it is."

Jou's arms went limp. He had to go with Malik now. Seto didn't want anyone knowing about him and Jou. Jou was positive that Yami knew and he could only guess how Malik had found out.

"I'll go with you." Jou gave in. Malik pulled away, the look of pure triumph reflected off his face.

"We'll have so much fun Jou! Just you wait!" Malik smiled.

Meanwhile, Yami was planning his own debut with Seto Kaiba. He was currently standing in front of the multi-billion dollar organization of Kaiba Corp, contemplating his next move. Taking a deep break, he walked inside and headed towards the reception desk. A secretary sat there, typing away at the computer. She took note of Yami and smiled. "Hello, and welcome to Kaiba Corp, bringing you new and creative ways to duel. What can I do for you? Do you have an appointment with Kaiba-sama?"

Yami cringed, trying to look away from her giant and very fake smiled. "Yes, I do have an appointment with Kaiba." He lied.

The secretary checked her boss's appointments. "And your name?"

"Yami."

"Your... real name, sir." The secretary tilted her head.

"Yuugioh."

"This is not a joke, sir." The secretary now had her smile completely forced. "You cannot be the King of Games or Darkness."

Yami stomped his foot and pressed his hands to the counter. "Those are _both_ my names!"

Nodding, but not believing, the secretary checked the schedule. "I'm sorry mister King of Darkness-"

"Yami."

"Yami." She finished through her now clenched teeth. "You don't have an appointment."

That much was true. But Yami didn't have much time left to waste anyway, so he merely raised his hand up, even with her face.

"Sir, what are you doing?" she looked scared and had her hand placed on the security button.

"**OBLITERATE**!" Yami yelled on the top of his lungs and two things happened. The secretary had hit the security button and security lights were flashing all throughout the building. And the clerk's scream was cut short as she disappeared, sent to the Shadow Realm.

Bodyguards and Security Guards appeared from all angles of the building, and they were all dressed alike. "Get him!" the obvious leader shouted. Following their leader's command, all the guards lunged at Yami.

"Shit..." Yami cursed under his breath and somehow managed to jump up and grab into the borders between the ceiling tiles and swing out of the rubble. He smirked and waved as he disappeared into the elevator. "Saiyonara, Suckers!"

Yami was well near the floor of Kaiba's office when the elevator had come to a sudden halt. Obviously it was the work of the guards. Yami pressed the button to open the doors and found the elevator to be just above the 64th floor. Kaiba's office was on the 65th floor. Yami stepped out of the elevator and searched for the steps. He could hear the voices of the guards as they rushed up the stairwells.

"Ah, it's just one flight." Yami shrugged and followed the wound of the voices to the steps. He raced up them two at a time.

Finally, Yami was able to reach the 65th floor. There was another reception desk in front of the office. Yami rolled his eyes, walked past it, and headed to the doors of Kaiba's office. 

"Wait sir!" The secretary tried to stop him.

"Can it." Yami scoffed, frustrated.

Hurt, the secretary pressed the security button. "Security, we've got a very rude man outside of Kaiba-sama's office."

"We're on it." Came a crackling voice from the desk. It came to a sudden halt as a flowerpot suddenly crashed onto it, destroying the device.

Yami whistled casually as the secretary threw him a death glare and swung open the doors to Kaiba's office. "Good morning, Seto!"

Seto Kaiba turned around in his spinning chair, petting a puppy dog. He cringed. "Yami, what the hell are you doing here, and how did you escape the security?" he demanded.

Yami walked further into the office and sat on the desk. "So many questions, Seto. Aren't you happy to see me?"

"Don't call me Seto." He growled.

"What can I call you then? Sweetcakes? Bugger Bear?" Yami teased. Seto stood up suddenly, causing the puppy in his lap to jump off and onto the floor, growling at Yami.

"Kaiba is fine." He said through clenched teeth.

Yami shrugged and looked to the dog. "Cute. What's his name?"

"Jou."

Yami choked. "You named it _Jou_? Oh well, I guess it makes sense, you're always calling him a puppy dog."

Seto picked Jou the puppy up and scratched behind its ears. "Why are you here, Yami?"

"Why, I came to see you, Kaiba-kun!" Yami's eyes suddenly went overly sparkly.

At that moment, security made it to Kaiba's office. "Kaiba-sama, do you want us to take this lunatic off your hands?"

"That's alright. It's under control. You may leave." Seto grumbled. The guards left.

Yami put on a fake pout. "Fire them Kaiba-kun, they called me a lunatic."

Seto ignored that comment. "Yami, I'm a busy man. Just tell me what you want and be gone."

Yami sighed. "I see there's no waiting with you, Kaiba-kun. I came here to ask you to the Summer Festival."

Seto dropped his puppy and it whimpered on the floor. "No!"

"Aw, why not?" Yami jumped off the desk and folded his arms.

"I was planning on taking someone else?" Seto bent over to pick up his dog again.

"Who?"

"That's none of your business."

Yami batted his eyes. "Jounouchi?"

Seto dropped the Jou puppy for the third time. "How can you be so ridiculous?"

"Don't deny it, Kaiba-kun." Yami smirked. "I know all about you and Jounouchi. And I'll tell everyone too if you don't go with me."

But Seto knew how to play this game too. He bent over to pick up his Jou puppy again, but for fear of being dropped _again_, the dog hid under the table, whimpering. Seto ignored it and smirked at Yami. "Why don't you just ask Malik? I know you like him"

Yami blushed. "And what proof do you have of that?"

"Yugi read your diary. He told Katsuya. Katsuya told me."

"I don't _keep_ a diary." Yami blinked. He really didn't. Unless, Bakura wrote that. Bakura always god his hands on the most interesting information.

"That's not my point. Just leave me alone and go with Malik." Seto sat down in his spinning chair.

"Malik is going with Jounouchi."

"**_WHAT_**?!" Seto stood up again. It was a good thing he wasn't holding his Jou puppy or else he would have been dropped a fourth time.

"You heard me." Yami turned to the door. "Malik already told me. He was so happy when Jou asked him." When Yami didn't hear a smart remark from Seto, he hesitated and turned around.

Seto had both his hands clenched as well as his teeth. His face was scrunched up and he was staring at the desk at something. Curious, Yami walked over to see it was a handful of pictures of him and Jou taken at a sticker-photo shop. It didn't take a genius to figure out Seto was heart-broken. And it even took an idiot to realize that he was trying to hold back tears. The head of Kaiba Corp turned to face Yami, his voice cracking. "Jou asked Malik you say?" Yami nodded. "Then I'll... I'll go with you."

Yami clapped. "Oh, you did the right thing Kaiba-kun!"

Yami made a mental smirk. Had he done it? Had he already broken Seto and Jou up? That little lie about Jou asking Malik was probably what did it anyway. It had been far too easy after all. 

Then why did he feel so rotten?

Perhaps if he beat Bakura's head in for telling everyone he loved Malik, it would make him feel better.

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TBC!

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Ending Note: -o- That wasn't as funny as I wanted it to be.

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Yami Muse: But you included the really annoying love triangle type thing!

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Yugi Muse: And that _Phantom of the Opera _joke came up again. I wonder if anyone's caught on to that.

I'm sure they have, Yugi. And Yami's right. I've got that funky love triangle thing going on. But it's more of a polygon that doesn't close. Yami, explain.

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Yami Muse: *clears his throat and points to a chalkboard* I love Malik. Malik loves Jounouchi. Jounouchi loves Seto. Seto loves Jounouchi.

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Yugi Muse: There's one for me too!

But we'll do that later... As for those R&R pancakes. Here's one for everyone who reviewed! Thank you and enjoy!

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Yami Muse: Because now I'm making R&R pretzels in the cute little shape of R's. ^.^


	3. And this is how you plot revenge

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:: Kitzaku-san ::

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Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Gi Oh or Gone With the Wind

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Authoress Note: I'M SORRY! This took so long and it's not even a long chapter! But I was doing StuCo campaigns, and I have marching band plus four other school related clubs I've joined. . So as you can see... school is ruling over my life. But I PROMISE to write as soon as I can! I love writing!

Oh- and I'm sorry, I didn't say I was discontinuing _this_ story. That was Silly Phil! Rio is for Gareas! Eheh... ^^; But the problem is solved!

Thank you _so_ much for all the reviews and support I've received! And I quite agree about Seto would much rather have the world know than have betrayed Jou and vice versa. So... I figured I could clear that up with this chapter, ne?

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:: Don't Let Yami Pick up the Phone ::

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(It'll turn into one giant love mess.)

That week waiting for the Summer Festival forced itself to drag out as long as possible. Jou and Seto barely talked to each other and Malik had managed to spend a lot of time at Jou's house. Of course, he was acting more like a leech than anything.

"Hey, Jou, can I have a soda?" Malik opened the fridge.

Jou rolled his eyes. "That's only the _sixth_ soda you've had today."

"I don't have any of this at home. It's addictive." he held up a Pepsi Blue Fusion bottle.

"Fine. Take it." Jou sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. As he was channel surfing, Malik suddenly appeared next to him. "Oooo! Turn it back! That was Gone With the Wind!"

Jou raised an eyebrow. "You like that movie?"

"Sure, why not?"

"But... it's so... long."

Malik's eyes went sparkly. "But it has a wonderful storyline! Can we watch it..? Please?"

Malik would _never_ leave Jou alone whether or not he agreed, so Jou gave in. About a quarter into the movie, Jou noticed that Malik was almost completely absorbed into it. Seizing the opportunity, Jou stood up.

"Malik, I have to use the restroom. I'll be back." He lied.

Malik nodded absentmindedly, his eyes never moved from the screen. Jou grinned, getting an idea. "Hey, Malik, Martians are invading the coffee pot."

Nothing.

"Yami's outside strip teasing a walrus, trying to make you jealous."

Still no response. Jou just shrugged and headed in the direction of the bathroom. But instead of going inside, he turned the light on and closed the door. The, he continued down the hallway to the kitchen and out the back door. As simple as that.

He walked around the front and peered in the living room window. Malik was still transfixed onto the screen and the movie was no where _near_ over. Jou had a while of freedom. But now that he had it, where could he go? The first thing that came to Jou's mind was the park.

There was a special spot in the park where Jou and Seto met secretly. But ever since 'the other incident' Jou hadn't gone back. Now, he needed some time to think about what had happened, how he could fix things, and more importantly:

Seto Kaiba.

The sun was setting when Jou had left, and it was almost hidden behind the horizon when he reached the special spot. It was a small clearing in a thick mast of evergreens. The air seemed to still there, quiet and peaceful. Jou took a seat on the fresh bed of pine needles and leaned against the trunk of a tree. He sighed, starting to feel the first peace in almost a week,

But the sound of a twig snapping made Jou sit up immediately alert and straining to hear for another sound. Silence only followed, but a shadow moved not too far away.

Was it Malik? Had he followed Jou here? Anger replaced fear as Jou stood up. "Show yourself!"

A familiar figure stopped out from behind a tree. It didn't take Jou even a second to recognize the trench coat and the short haircut. The two stood in perfect silence for a moment before the visitor spoke up.

"I though you wouldn't come back here, Katsuya."

Jou took a step forward. "I couldn't find any time. And it was too depressing."

The figure kicked at the pine needles that bedded the floor. "What's too depressing? You've got Malik to wait on you hand and foot!"

"All Malik does is annoy me!" Jou argued. "Unlike you and Yami. I know you two have been spending time together, Seto."

Seto cringed. "Don't talk about Yami in front of me. I came here to get away from him."

"Likewise with Malik." Jou folded his arms. Seto and Jou both stood in an uncomfortable silence for a few more minutes, daring the other to speak. Finally, Seto broke the stillness.

"I want to know, Katsuya..." Seto began, his voice cracking lightly. "Why did you ask Malik to the Summer Festival?"

Jou's mouth went slack. "I didn't!"

"Don't lie to me."

Jou pounded his fist against the tree. "I'm not lying Seto. I will never lie to you. Malik was the one who asked me."

Seto growled, but managed to keep his voice level. "Then why did you say yes?"

"He blackmailed me." Jou stared at the ground. "He promised to tell everyone about us if I didn't go with him." He expected Seto to blow up at him or something. At least he didn't think Seto would do what he did. The multi-billionaire made the trek across the clearing and gathered Jou up in his arms.

"Katsuya..." he was shaking his head. "I know you mean well, but for Christ's sake... _use your head!_"

Jou cringed when Seto yelled, but calmed down when he felt Seto's strong hands intermingle with his hair. "But Seto, you..."

"Didn't want people to find out?" he finished for him. "No, but I would much rather have them know than lose you like I did."

Gone With the Wind was long since over by the time Jou made it back to his house. Malik was no longer sitting on the couch, but pacing in front of the bathroom. Instead of walking through the front door, Jou crept around the house to the back door, the way he had gone out. He made sure Malik was still pacing in front of the bathroom, then made himself phase with the shadows until he made it to his room.

He closed the door and leaned against it. "That one was close." Malik's footsteps were still noticeable for a while, but they came to a sudden halt. Jou stated still and stained his ears to listen.

Malik had said something and probably opened the door. What followed was a high pitched scream that rattled Jou's eardrums. Jou held his ears tight until Malik finished his shock. Then there was the continuous opening of doors and slamming them. Jou could hear Malik call his name over and over, searching.

Jou snickered quietly to himself. Malik had finally taken notice of Jou's disappearance and was in a panic. At times the Egyptian could be so naïve. Shaking his head, Jou climbed unit his bed and turned off the light. He would just feign sleep when Malik came to check his room.

In the mean time, Jou recalled images from earlier that night with his unexpected meeting with Seto. They, too, had devised a plan to kelp both Malik and Yami in line.

What is it that Seto had said? Jou strained himself to remember. Ah, _love is a battlefield_.

The doorknob turned and Jou quickly closed his eyes and lie perfectly still. It must have worked fairly well, because Malik sighed. "He's asleep."

This was followed by silence and Jou could feel the heat of Malik's stare. Then the floorboards creaked under his weight, and they were getting closer. The bed sank a little as Malik sat on it and Jou forced himself not to shiver when Malik brushed the hair from his face.

The Egyptian voice was very soothing though. It had an air to it that not even Seto could catch. "Oh, Jou-kun... you had me so worried. Here I thought someone had stolen you from me..." he ticked strands of Jou's blonde hair behind his ears. "So, from now on Jou-kun, I'll have to stay by you side, and watch over you." Jou had to stop himself form choking. Now it would be ever _harder_ to get rid of Malik! The Egyptian's hand left Jou's face and he relaxed a little. Then Malik stood up, and Jou sighed a bit with relief. He waited patiently for Malik to leave.

But he didn't. He continued to stare at Jou until Jou _knew_ his face was getting hot. And when Malik finally moved, he kissed Jou tenderly on the lips and only then did he leave.

Once Jou was certain Malik was gone. His eyes shot open and he stuffed a wad of gum in his mouth. Even though Malik only kissed his lips, it managed to make him feel better to disinfect his mouth.

__

Bah Jou said to himself. _Afraid someone stole me from you my ass..._

__

If you only knew...

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TBC!

Ending Notes: o.O; Yami wasn't in this.

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Yami Muse: HEY!

Well... you've been invading my agenda book. Anyway- I'm certain you all heard the news? NO NC-17! And I was gonna write a side chapter to this- lemon too. .

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Yami Muse: *Sighs* R&R pretzels to anyone who reviews...


	4. Warning: Read with British Accent

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:: Kitzaku-san ::

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Gi Oh... still. But I got some cool stickers and 6 T-shirts! And this time.. I don't own Ricky Martin either. O.o

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Authoress Note: Thanks GSYH for the NC insight because I _am_ in the process of writing a Jou/Seto lemon. Interestingly enough it's called The Real Meaning of Health Class So yeah, it'll be really interesting.

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Jou: -grabs Listerine from Blue Lagoon Loon and chugs it- 

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Yami Muse: o.o; What, does he have cooties or something?

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Yugi Muse: XD Malik's got flaming cooties.

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Malik Muse: HEY!

Anyway thanks for all the reviews everyone. 56! ^.^ It's my best story yet! Then again... when I see all those other stories with 100+ I feel stupid, but I'm still quite content with what I've got!

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:: Don't Let Yami Pick up the Phone ::

__

Because a week later, he'll get kicked out of Seto's car

Today was the day. The day of the festival that Jou stupidly and absentmindedly (though he thought it was for the better) agreed to go to with Malik Ishtar, the crazed Egyptian with the world's oddest yet psychotic crush on the poor boy, to the Summer Festival. Malik however, was very, very, _very_ oblivious to the fact that Jou despised his every movement. Though, on occasion, something may happen that made Jou the tiniest bit happy that Malik stalked him. Like, for one thing: his house was much cleaner.

But hadn't Yami mentioned Malik having a Yami? Didn't Jou already know something like that? Surprisingly enough, he never showed himself. And _usually_ yami's hung out with hikari's, but the world was ending today anyway, so it must not have mattered.

Malik walked by Jou's bedroom and stopped, grinning. "Smell my cologne. I smell goooood."

Jou didn't need to take another step because he could already in fact _smell_ Malik's cologne. And it was way too strong. "What the hell are you trying to do? Kill everyone who comes close to you?"

"You haven't died yet." Was all Malik said before Jou's choice of clothing distracted him. "Oh my! You're not wearing _that_ to the festival are you?"

"Why? I wear this everyday." And indeed, it was that green jacket, white shirt and jeans. 

Malik shook his head violently. "No no no! You have to wear something nice. Come, I'll let you borrow something of mine."

Jou imagined himself in Malik's tight and very flaming clothes. Then he imagined parading down the street in them, belly button practically fluttering in the wind, that was, if bellybuttons could flutter. He cringed. "I would not be caught DEAD wearing something like that." (Much to the dismay of Jou's fangirls who might actually like to see him with a fluttering bellybutton). But Jou should have learned something a long time ago about Malik.

He doesn't give up.

After biting, clawing, kicking punching and yelling bloody murder, Jou stood in all his glory in Malik's tight clothing.

"I'm going to flame myself." Jou grumbled.

"You look so cute!" Malik tapped his cheek. "But something's missing."

"A shirt that fits?"

"No..."

"Pants that _don't_ give me a wedgie?"

"That's it!" Malik ignored that comment, snapped and disappeared. Jou struggled in the tight clothing, trying to free himself, but if you've ever tried getting out of a full spandex suit when it's as tight as it will go and no hope for a zipper... well that's just how Jou felt. He managed to get absolutely nothing off by the time Malik came back. The Egyptian was holding up two bracelets. "Now we're bracelet buddies!"

Jou coughed, nearly choked, and was disappointed when he didn't. "Bracelets?"

Malik nodded and seized Jou's arm, clamping the tight bracelet down. "There! Now we can go!"

"I can hardly contain my excitement..."

--

"Well Seto, ready to go?"

"Yeah, yeah... and _don't_ call me Seto." Seto threw on his trench coat and walked out his door to where Yami was standing in front of Seto's limo. They weren't dressed up in anything particular. Yami was in his usual leather and buckles, Seto clad in... Jeans and a trench coat. 

So, while Yami whistled his merry little tune the whole way to the Summer Festival, Seto contemplated his plan over and over in his mind. Though, he did take the occasional break to count to ten in order not to completely strangle Yami. They were sitting on the opposite sides of the limo, far from each other as possible, and as anyone can guess, still managed to quarrel.

"Stop whistling, damn it! I'm trying to devise a plan to overthrow you!"

"Well, I'm _bored_!"

"Go be bored somewhere else! It's _my_ limo!"

Yami couldn't think of a good comeback for this and in moments, he was booted out the door. The Pharaoh stuck out his middle finger at the back of the limo. "I'll tell the world about you and Jou!"

"See if I care!" Seto hollered from the window, laughing maniacally. Yami pouted and kicked a stray soda can on the ground.

"Stupid Seto...." then after a moment's silence. "Oh well! I'll still go to the festival to see Maliky-poo!" So he skipped off into the distance.

--

Kitzaku-san's Yami Muse stopped baking his R&R Apple Pies for a moment and turned around, apron flailing about him. "You can't just kick me out of Seto's car like that! I'm your favorite character!"

"So?" Kitzaku-san shrugged. "Malik made me do it." She pointed to her Malik Muse who was sitting quite contently beside her on the floor eating a Popsicle. He noted Yami's glare and waved. 

"Jou and I are going to the festival together and you got _no one!_"

Kitzaku-san's Yami Muse looked as if he was about to cry, but instead counted to ten and went back to baking, uttering curses.

And to top if off, Yugi streaked by with memos falling behind him.

--

Now that we're on with the story... a short time lapse had been taken and Malik and Jou had made it to the fairground about 15 minutes later than Seto had due to the fact that:

They walked, and Seto drove. Malik took forever to get ready whereas, Seto and Yami just... left 

And C) It was very hard for Jou to walk in those pants...

"God, I feel like Ricky Martin." Jou grumbled, trying as hard as he might to pick the wedgie that was forming in his backside, but the pants he wore were to slick and he couldn't get a good grip.

"I'll get that for you!" Malik smiled.

Jou lurched to the side like lightning. "NO! I mean... that's... quite alright Malik..."

"Suit yourself." Malik shrugged, but his face suddenly turned into a huge grin. "Hey Jou-kun... _loooook_." And he pointed behind the blonde boy, causing him to whip around.

"Seto!"

But it... wasn't Seto. It was someone that had only been mentioned in this story thus far and hadn't even appeared yet. That is, until now.

Both Yugi and Ryou were standing there, sharing a huge giant enormous and very redundant wad of cotton candy. Yugi waved innocently. "Hi Jou! I like your bracelet!"

Jou growled, and attempted to hide his hand, but Malik grabbed it and hauled the owner over to the other couple. Malik was grinning wide. "Jou's my date today!"

"I know." Yugi stuffed a chunk of cotton candy in his mouth. "Yami told me."

"oh..." Malik paused for a moment and then. "We saw the Phantom of the Opera!"

Jou did actually manage to choke this time, and he was disappointed when it didn't kill him. "We did _not!_"

But they ignored him. Yugi clapped happily. "That's so great!" Jou rolled his eyes. He was still clueless as to how Yugi could be so innocent when he'd obviously seen Phantom of the Opera many times before and therefore have no more innocence to speak of. 

Ryou hadn't said anything yet. And as a matter of fact, he didn't look very happy to see Malik. It might have been because his Yami still had that knack for reading diaries. Or if someone didn't have a diary to read, he'd probe into their souls, and make a diary himself. And then of course read it. It was his favorite hobby and it just about pissed everyone off. So perhaps, Yami Bakura had pulled that stunt on him.

No sooner had Jou opened his mouth to say something, though he didn't know what he _would_ say, as long as it was something, someone else had already beat him to it.

"Something."

Jou whirled around again, and his eyes widened. "What?"

"Oh." Seto, who undoubtedly had been the owner of the voice coughed. "I meant to say 'Nice bracelet' but that apparently didn't happen."

Once the shock, or at least semi-shock in that case had passed, Jou was about to glomp Seto. But instead, the multi-billionaire held out his index finger and planted it right on Jou's forehead to stop him. "Not yet, schnauzer."

Malik, who is probably one of the most oblivious people in the world (or at least in this fic) hadn't really considered the fact that this was _Seto_ he was talking to grinned wide. All he thought about was how he complimented the bracelet. "Do you really like them?"

"No."

"Oh..." Malik's bottom lip trembled slightly. "Well in that case... Jou and I will be leaving." He took a hold of Jou's arm again.

Jou looked furiously at Seto. "Is _now_ a good time?"

"No."

And helplessly, Jounouchi was hauled to the funhouse with a sulking Malik. The Egyptian was muttering non-coherent things to himself. "Stupid billionaire. Thinks he knows everything. Well I'll show him. I'll show him that my bracelet is King. Then he'll feel sorry..."

"Malik?" Jou raised an eyebrow. "Are you alright?"

Malik snapped from his depressed, but still rather angry phase and suddenly pounced into a cheerful and very hopeful phase. "You mean, you're concerned for me?"

"No."

Back to the depressing phase.

The funhouse would have been fun, Jou thought. If one was drunk. Otherwise it was just a house. With lights. And perhaps a ceiling fan. The word fun was painted everywhere, but it didn't hide the fact that it was an obvious attempt at being cheap. So therefore Jou hated it.

But Malik loved it. He said the colors matched quite well with his outfit. Jou personally thought that if anything matched with his outfit, it was a very anorexic seal. But perhaps that was beside the point.

They came out of the funhouse, and Malik was feeling so much better. Which was a good thing because he'd let go of Jou's arm and his skin cells could breathe again. No sooner had his freedom been granted, did he fall to the ground again with someone rather leathery on top of him. Not to mention a very spiky lock of hair was lodged in his back.

Spiky hair + leather = Yami Yugi.

"Off!" 

And he was off. Yami rubbed his backside, even if he fell on his front side so there wasn't a point to rubbing his backside, but merely for the fact that it was there to rub. "Hey there, Jounouchi. What's up?"

"What's up? I'll tell you what's up!" Jou rose to his feet for a moment and sighed. "I take that back, I'll tell you once I think of it. Right now I need to find Seto. Ah! There he is!" And Jou ran off to leave Malik and Yami blinking to themselves.

"Jou's been acting rather odd lately." Malik observed. "He appears to be speaking with a lot of sarcasm."

"Seto is too. Malik, you don't suppose we're mad, do you?"

"Mad? How could I think such a thing?"

"Yeah, you're right."

"Well, I do suppose we could be a little mad."

"How so?"

"We're speaking with British accents."

"Why, so we are! Must have taken a bloody hit to the head when I ran into Jounouchi."

"Do you want to go see why Seto and Jou are making out over there?"

"Ah, seems logical." Yami shrugged and indeed looked over to see Jou and Seto fairing quite nicely. Though they looked as if they needed a better place to go because wasn't right in front of a ticket booth far too public?

Exactly.

****

TBC!

Ending Notes: -grins- Ok... this was one of those chapters you read with a British accent. Otherwise it's not that funny, I suppose.

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Yami Muse: Where's the suspense? The drama? The action?

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Malik Muse: Suspense= what happened to the cotton candy. Drama= Jou's pants and Action= You getting kicked out of Seto's car.

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Yami Muse: I have the strangest feeling you helped write this the most.

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Malik Muse: Gee, how could you tell?

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Yami Muse: -slaps down the R&R Apple pies he was making earlier- There you are, folks.

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Yugi Muse: Hey! I'm the humor muse here! Not Malik! T.T


	5. The End with cotton candy

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::Kitzaku-san::

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Disclaimer: I don't own cotton candy, YGO or Phantom of the Opera

****

Authoress Note: I'm aliiiiive! Hee… in any case, this chapter is absolutely NONSENSE. It's supposed to be all one big pun…or inside joke. And for those of you that haven't figured out what _Phantom of the Opera_ is… it's sex. XD And cotton candy… can be whatever you interpret it to be.

****

::Don't Let Yami Pick up the Phone::

( _Someone might watch the Phantom of the Opera_ )

"Jou's been acting rather odd lately." Malik observed. "He appears to be speaking with a lot of sarcasm."

"Seto is too. Malik, you don't suppose we're mad, do you?"

"Mad? How could I think such a thing?"

"Yeah, you're right."

"Well, I do suppose we could be a little mad."

"How so?"

"We're speaking with British accents."

"Why, so we are! Must have taken a bloody hit to the head when I ran into Jounouchi."

"Do you want to go see why Seto and Jou are making out over there?"

"Ah, seems logical." Yami shrugged and indeed looked over to see Jou and Seto fairing quite nicely. Though they looked as if they needed a better place to go because wasn't right in front of a ticket booth far too public?

Exactly.

****

::Chapter 5::

"So… what? We just let them blow their cover so we have no hold over them?" Malik folded his arms. "Man, I feel like wringing Seto's neck. How about you?"

"I want to lick you neck." Yami glanced sidelong at Malik.

Malik stared back at Yami. "You're one sick weirdo."

"Hey! You would want to lick Jou's neck wouldn't you?"

"Well, yeah… I guess you have a point." Malik gave in.

"Hi guys!" Yugi popped up again. "Have you seen what ever happened to the Cotton candy?"

"No." Yami and Malik said at the same time.

"And will you excuse us?" Malik said. "I'm watching my soulmate getting stolen from me right in front of my eyes."

"Oh…" Yugi sighed. "Alright, have fun." He returned to Ryou with the sad news that they didn't have any remote clue as to the whereabouts of their dear cotton candy. Which, was actually abducted by Honda who needed an appearance _really_ bad and the only way he could do so was by stealing.

"Grr…" Malik growled. "I want to wring Seto's neck."

"I want to lick yours."

"Argh! Now don't' start that again!" Malik deliberately stepped on Yami's foot with his fashionably male high heeled shoes.

"Ow, damnit!" Yami held his foot. By this time, Jou and Seto had broken apart, but no one was paying attention. Yami and Malik were having a cat fight, pulling each others hair constantly. Honda was running around the amusement park stealing random objects from everyone. And Yugi and Ryou were still searching for their lost cotton candy. And later found it in the auditorium and watched Phantom of the Opera to celebrate.

Jou sighed. "Well, that didn't have the effect that I wanted it to…"

"what effect did you want it to have?" Seto asked.

"I don't know." Jou shrugged. "Everyone would be surprised, or yelling at us. But no one seems to care, it's kind of depressing."

Seto didn't appear to be listening. "You want to go see the Phantom of the Opera?"

Jou blushed. "What? Here? Now?"

"No… not here." Seto thought for a moment. "In the funhouse!"

"We can watch Phantom of the Opera in the funhouse? I'm mortally afraid of that place!" Jou whimpered.

"Then you can just hold onto me for protection." Seto started laughing perversely.

Jou blinked and then made his decision. "Alright!" So the two of them ran for the extremely cheap and boring funhouse—though perhaps once they were don't with it, it wouldn't necessarily be boring anymore, but that's beside the authoress' point.

Her point was—Jou and Seto realized that they were meant to be and no one could ever change that. Unless their name was Otogi, but life was a roll of the dice and you really shouldn't gamble because it's bad karma.

Back at the main carnival point, Honda had stolen Mai's earrings, but she was currently going out with some random police officer and slowly robbing him of all his money—and the poor spike-headed teen was arrested for malpractice of the art of 'borrowing.'

Yami and Malik finished their fight and realized that Jou and Seto were no where in site.

"Curses, foiled again!" Yami…cursed.

"you know, that should be my line." Malik pointed out.

"No, that's _my_ line!" Mojo Jojo popped up, laughed, and left.

"Dude… who was the sexy monkey guy?" Yami blinked. Malik merely shrugged.

Then suddenly, a lightbulb went off in Malik's head. Only… somehow it escaped and flashed outside of Malik's head. So he unplugged it and stuffed it back in his ear. "I just realized that Jou loves Seto not me!"

Yami rolled his eyes. "Oh wow, smart one. How did you ever figure that one out?"

Malik grinned. "I'm such a genius."

"Right."

Another lightbulb escaped Malik's head… or perhaps it was the same one, but no one could really know that unless it was marked. Which it wasn't. "And you like me!"

Yami's eyes widened. "Who told you!"

"My diary."

"Your diary told you that I liked you?"

"Oh yes. It also told me that I couldn't talk to the grass anymore because it made it jealous." Malik said, proudly.

Yami stared at him. "You talk to grass."

"Not anymore."

Pause. "Oh."

"Yami?" Malik asked.

"What?" Yami answered.

"Kiss me."

"OK." So they did. And it was good.

****

Amen.

Yami Muse: That's it?

Yep.

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Yugi Muse: That was short!

I know.

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Yami Muse: Well… I guess there was a happy ending.

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Yugi Muse: Easy for you to say! What happened to Honda! Did he get outta jail? Meeeep!

:;sighs:: Yugi—you'll have to live without it because… I'm tired. Don't write the last chapter to a story when you're tired, reviewers…or if you're on a time limit and still in a good mood. ^_^ Inu Yasha's on in 55 minutes! So I'm gonna go watch BeyBlades… that makes sense right?

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Yami Muse: R&R squirrels for everyone!

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Squirrels: ::chirp!::


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